~LMA

A Lesson of Love

I woke up today just as every other day before with the alarm clock blaring. Another reminder that another day has passed and a new day begins.
I reached over to hit the snooze "just 5 more minutes I told myself." As I pulled my hand back I stared at the picture sitting on my nightstand, it was a picture of my dog Meeka.
As I laid there and stared at it I could feel a whisper of peace and happiness fill my heart and I smiled as I traced her face with the tip of my finger then I realized once again there was one thing missing… No wet morning kisses and no chewed up wet sloppy slippers to slip my feet into.
It is amazing how even after almost 2 years of her being gone I can still miss her so terribly.
I must have laid there and stared at her picture for 5 minutes, as the snooze started blaring again, this time I had no choice but to get up.
Somehow, during those 5 minutes of staring at her picture and the alarm clocks reminder, I had realized as sad as it was staring at my girl, she was the reason I pull myself out of bed every morning and tackle the day and whatever hell it may bring.
She is the reason I walk away from a day of hard work and am able to say I did my best.
I've never met any type of entity in my life who has been able to teach me so many lessons while she was living as well as after she had left this world.
I remember how the whole "pit bull" thing began.
We were called out to a routine check for neglect of some animals had been reported as being left alone in a filthy squalor,
therefore, another officer and I responded to the call.
Low and behold, there they all where twelve little 8-week-old pit bull puppies in a very small wooden box. They were all yelping and stepping over each other like a bunch of little piglets and the strong smell of feces and urine accompanied them as well. I remember 1 pup in particular; he was a little feisty red baby boy jumping over all of the others to gain our attention.
We proceeded to speak with the owners of how this was an unacceptable way to contain these puppies as well as educate them on some better ways to care for them.
We had done our job and had left. Unbeknownst to us we would later return to investigate a much more gruesome site.
It was approximately 1 week later that we were informed that the very same puppies had been witnessed being duct taped at the mouth and leg area. They had been laid out on a table only to have a man sever their ears off with a pair of desk scissors. One of the puppies was the very same little feisty red male who tried so hard before to gain our attention. This time however we had a good witnesses and were accompanied by the local authorities. It didn't take long for the media to catch wind of this horrible act of animal cruelty. As it turned out the pups were taken and a full investigation was launched.
During the investigation, the pups were housed at Animal control until the court reach a decision as to whether or not this in fact was an animal cruelty case and if the pups should be returned to the owner.
Now to me it was more than obvious what the answer should be however, it needed to presented to a court of law and this was no time to start protesting on the steps of the courthouse. I knew in my heart that justice would be served and it was… a year later.  I can still hear it ringing in my head and it still makes me cry to this day when I heard the judge say. (As my heart, I swear, did not beat until I heard him speak.)
"While it's on my watch, I'm not going to permit this to happen-even if you think its common practice within the county or within the dog-breeding and training arena." Judge Tandy then sentenced the 23-year-old Indianapolis man to the maximum term for the Class A misdemeanors with no suspended time or probation.
Witnesses testified that Elisea taped the puppies' mouths shut and legs together and cut off their ears with office scissors. After I walked out of the courtroom that day almost a year after we seized the dogs, I sat down. My legs we so unstable I sat there and cried. All I wanted to do was go to my babies and hug them. In my mind I knew they at least had a chance of a good life.
However It wasn't over yet as there was still the issue as to whom would adopt the baby pit bulls. I had cared for the male day in and day out for almost a year and I was so scared of what would happen to him. That is, until the day my boss had called me into her office to speak of what was to happen to the pups. She looked at me as if it were bad news and as my heart was just about to drop to the floor she handed me adoption papers. She then hugged me and said, "they are safe now." As we both cried I stared at her with an expression words could never describe for she knew my heart and soul were more thankful than I could convey at that time.
As it turned out, I was the new proud parent of not one, but two-baby pit bulls. Life was good.
During all of the hype and publicity the media only focused on the puppies, what about their mother? She was a different story. Locked up in a kennel with a bite case sign attached to it, no one dared to go near her. She was backed in the corner and not very social with anyone, man or dog. It took some time before she would allow anyone near her and I can't say that I blame her. They say hindsight is 20/20…Knowing now what I did not know then, there were so many signs…So many things she was so deathly scared of.  Being in a kennel with a bunch of barking dogs and out in the kennel while the sheriffs departments firing range was just across the way only names a couple. It was all scaring her to death. I am truly surprised that she wasn't going crazy. Little did I know though she was, Inside her little body I know now she was going stir crazy.
Before the decision was made about the puppies and the court case I would spend much of my extra time at her cage just sitting and talking to her. I would try to give her little treats to get her to maybe trust that there was at least still one good human being in this world.
Little by little each day I gained a baby step of trust from her. It wasn't an easy process for either of us. She not wanting to trust, not truly sure who I was or what was happening to her. I was unsure of how trusting she was of me. The hardest factor of trying to earn her trust was getting so close to her only for there to be a possibility that she would be put to sleep. I couldn't think of that, all that mattered to me at that time was this poor dog feeling so alone, being labeled a DANGER TO SOCIETY, when in fact she was only frightened and alone. I sat there day after day as much as I could just staring at her trying to figure out what it was I could see in those eyes. What was she thinking, was she frightened of me or, was she aching to trust me?
I would sit and talk to her about everything that was happening with her abused babies. As I did this, sitting there talking to her, a dog behind a metal fence, I was fully aware that everyone looked at me as if I had lost my mind. My talking to her, the soft tones of my voice, it seemed to calm and sooth her. Therefore I continued to talk to her. My wish was that maybe, just maybe in her own way, that just between the two of us she understood and would someday soon trust me enough to "talk" back.
One great day for us was the day I told her that we had won the case and that her babies would never have to go back to that horrible place. She seemed to have felt my positive energy because that was the first time I had ever seen her wag her tail and it was from that day on that we were buddies. We would walk and talk and spend as much time together as we could. I had finally gained her trust and she came out of that shell and stuck to me like glue, it was almost magical. It was at that very moment that I knew in my heart I had to do whatever it took to try to save this girl.
When the time came to either find her a GOOD home or have her put to sleep, I knew it would be hard to find her a home where she would be well taken care of by good honest decent people. After all she was a level 5 dog and I honestly don't think I have seen but 1 level 5 animal person walk into the shelter, they are usually level 1 or 2 first time dog owners, so I knew this was going to be so hard.
I remember praying for God to send her someone who would care for her deeply. Then one day my prayers were answered. After a long discussion of what she needed and how she was to be handled, she was on her way to a good home. I remember crying to myself the day she left the shelter. I had but one picture of her during the time she spent in the kennels and to this day, I hold that picture dear to me.
It was about a year later when I was surprised with a phone call from someone who knew of me as the lady who adopted the 2 baby pit bulls.
She told me that she knew the person who adopted Meeka, and that the lady was going to have to move and she couldn't take Meeka with her. She didn't know what to do with her, and was afraid to take her back to shelter for fear she would be euthanized. The woman calling had given me the adopter's phone number and I immediately called and asked if I could come over and talk to her about Meeka. She was happy to hear from me and we made arrangements for my visit to discuss Meeka. When I arrived there my eyes filled up with tears as all the memories of the bond we made came flooding back to me. I ended up taking her home with me that day and from then on we were inseparable.
No one knew her like I did. As a matter of fact, I don't think anyone knew either of us as well as we came to know one another.
We had so much to learn about each other but at the same time it was as if we had known one another forever. I knew her fears and she knew mine. I remember her being deathly afraid of thunderstorms. If there were ever a day that I was at work and I noticed dark clouds rolling in, I would simply pack up, tell my boss I had to go and would immediately leave to go make sure she was safe. When I arrived at home on those days; there she was sure enough, hidden underneath something shaking.
The only thing that would comfort her was for me to hold her close to me and stroke her ears. She would look up at me as if to say "mommy that makes it all better." She was a thankful dog, as well as a forgiving dog. I had never met an animal in my life that was as loving as she was.
All was not a fairy tale with her though, I had to construct a 9 foot fence due to her being able to scale straight up and over. First it was 4 ft then 6 ft and onto 8ft. Eventually, a 9-foot was the winner. She would not do it to get out and run, she did it to get to me. She just didn't want to be away from me at all. Soon it got to the point that when I turned around there she was, right underneath my feet.  I often wondered why she was like this, though I guess now looking back at what she went through in her life I suppose she was afraid that if she lost sight of me she would be abandoned like before in her life. Knowing she was animal aggressive I had to take several precautions to make sure that we never had any mistakes. Seeing how I had her, her son as well as her daughter Daisy, there had to be some major adjustments in my household.  
Special doors and baby gates, separate feeding areas, separate crating times; I had them on a very strict schedule for everything.
I did my best to be most responsible and everything ran smoothly for such a long time. Looking back at it all now, I can see where maybe I could have done some things differently and it's an ache I live with everyday but also lessons I will never forget.
As time went on the stresses from working at the animal shelter were always running my emotions to an ultimate high. The only time I could escape and find peace was when I'd get home from a long day at work. She was there to greet me with her love, she always made it better for me on those days. She knew whom I truly was inside and she knew all my fears, everything about me and still loved me for it all. You see, In her eyes I had no faults.
Meeka was the only reason I got up everyday and did what I had to do to go on. She was the reason I could set aside how I felt about bad people and see the good. I do not know how she did this; it was as if she spoke to me with her little soft tap on my head with her paws or the silly way she would roll over and make me smile when I did not feel like smiling at all.
I made up this song and I would sing it to her every single day of her life; it was called the "Co-Co Bear" song which is what I called her.
She loved it and it truly seemed to sooth her as well as relaxed her. It's strange how, no matter our age, we can become so "child" like in the presence of our loved ones.
The days continued to progress smoothly at home until one day by accident a fight broke out between her and her daughter Daisy.
It was my fault… I didn't latch the door and she attacked Daisy almost killing her. I was so distraught and shaking by the time we were able to break them apart.  Daisy was completely torn up and I had feared her for dead. Meeka, being the ex-fighting dog that I knew she probably was, hadn't been injured in the fight. She did however have it out for Daisy from then on and I knew there would be no turning back. From this point on I had to be absolutely vigilant in keeping them separate. Already thinking I was so careful to keep them separated, but I didn't latch the door like I though, guilt overwhelmed me. I lay in bed that evening crying, my thoughts drifted to the dog in the hospital her injuries so severe that they could kill her, and then they drifted to the one at the foot of my bed. The very dog whom I was so attached, emotionally and spiritually. I was so torn, what was I going to do? Having rescued all of them I had made them and myself a promise to never put them in danger and now look what happened, what was I to do?
I wrestled with this for a couple of months, and as each month passed, I had tried several ways to try to get her adjust differently. I tried so hard.
Absolutely refusing to give up on her. She must have known, for she tried so very hard as well. She was wonderful for such a long time, but it took me having to be the one who delivered the commands.  It was extremely difficult to get her to listen to anyone else. I was the one with whom she was so attached to and it was I that she took commands from, no one else, which posed huge problems. I think then I knew in my heart mine and Meeka's time together here on earth was limited. It happened, there was another fight. This time it was because she had scaled the 9-foot fence to get to me and Daisy was in the front yard.  Luckily though, I was there in time but it was also then when I knew I had to do something that I just couldn't take another chance of someone or something being hurt.
You would think that years of working in the animal control profession would make you see things clearly. That's not always true, especially when you love as hard as I loved Meeka. These situations should have been "black and white" for me. I'm sure they were for most people.
You have a dog that has attacked another dog on two separate occasions. You fear her getting out so you construct a 9 foot fence and yet she concurs it. You would think this situation would be a "no brainer" call. Certain she was a dog that most would vote to be a candidate for euthanasia.

Good Bye is not Forever

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